CONFUSED

It's kinda hard to tell the difference between love or friendship.....

Almost 3 years had past but I'm still inlove with him... yeah the same guy who made my world upside down, the same guy who make me cry and laugh at the same time.... the difference now is that I make him believe that I already move on... that I am no longer in love with him... but the truth is I still do love him.... crazy me right? now every-time I see him I don't know what to say..... and the worst part is that everytime I visit his FaceBook acct. and read his post I always ended up broken... dunno why I still acting this way.... I drown myself to my KPOP addiction but there are times that I still sneak out to view his profile.... *bitter* last 2009 on christmas vacation I thought not seeing him or even texting him will make me move on... I let myself believe that I really do move on.... after that vacation I can face him, we are good friends still but It all changes again july 2010..... when I often see him flirting with other girl.... and he never talk to me... yeah we see each other almost everyday but even a simple hello is nothing to found.... he really changed he talks or approaches me/us whenever he needs something *that's how unfair my life is* and the next thing I knew???? is that my feelings just HIDE deep in my heart that when he provoke it, that love explodes again.... I'm just confusing myself .... I know he still can't repay the love I have for him... I'm just the hard headed person who believe that maybe someday his head might hit in the hard rock so that he may realize how I still love him..... *emo* waaahhhh I don't want him to look hurt.... 
The lesson I learn?.... Love is not always ending happily.... but I cannot blame it still because I am the person who owns the heart that loves him.... right? 


I know stuff like this is supposed to be kept or just tell with friends but at this time of the day I don't want to bother my friends, and I think making it here in my blog would lessen the bitterness I feel? I guess..... whooooooaahhhh I hope you guys can understand me... 

KPOP addiction is never bad...... it's GREAT

This video is one of the video that I saw in YouTube sorry I forgot who uploaded it.....
Want to know why I post it here?
well the actor in the video is  the leader of my most favorite Kpop band SS501...^^ and the song that was playing on the background was sang by SUPERJUNIOR, I guess they move to the second spot in my favorite band and one of my favorite song.... My All is in You..

I'm proud to say I'm a Kpop Fan should I say a Kpop addict fan? hehehe
I guess I have done all the checklist of being a Kpop fan.... just one thing remains.... visiting Korea or other country just to watch my idols...well I'm still studying still not have enough money to travel....

At first when I hear korean songs my mind goes WTF??? are they aliens? *ok I know every country have different languages* sorry for that.....  All I do in life was to hang-out with my friends, chatting, listening to ENGLISH songs, studying etc....
I don't really understand why some teens the same age as me love kpop? so I just ignore them...
But then, when I watched Boys Over Flowers *it's not the 1st kdrama that I love though* I got interested on KIM BUM the one who plays the role of YIJEONG..... he has the eyes that I really want to a guy... so I search some of his video... I type YIJEONG in the seach bar of YT then it all started...

 SS501- Never Again video was there then I got curious so I open and watch it....  when I heard the voice of their OTTER PRINCE which is my super biased HEO YOUNG SAENG.... <3 thought I was listening to an Angel... yeah I know I may be exaggerating but his voice is really soothing... and relaxing as well...  then I thought korean songs aren't bad after all because that time when I heard Never Again I am feeling down also... I have read it's translation it fits to the feeling that I have that time.... yeah I was so broken that time my other blog says why... ^^

Then I have watch almost all the video of ss501 from variety show to other guesting and performance....
I have joined their fandom.... and international and local fandom as well ^_^
at first I thought I wouldn't last... but I was wrong I was drown to them... I started to collect dvd and other stuff connected to them... and start to listen to their songs as well my computer playlist was composed of ss501 songs....
hahahahaha addict me.... but it's not the end
I got addicted to other band to and start to collect the stuff that connected to them also....
next to ss501 I got addicted to shinee *choi minho <3* I have watch almost all of their shows on YT also... and have their cd's now I need to have the latest one the HELLO cd..^^
then FT island who also the first band that I got to see... when they have a showcase here in the Philippines yay I fall deeper to Jonghyun^^ and yeah I also have their cd...
but then again UKISS came to the scene yeah they make my head go bingeul bingeul and they are the second band that I got to see.... and I have the authograph of my bias ELI ^__^ so happy ehhh???
then the next band was the band that I thought I will never got interested with? guest what? hehehe yeah SUPER JUNIOR........... 1st reason that I thought I will never lay my eyes on them because Im too lazy to memorize their name 2nd reason is because they composed 13 members except Zhoumi and Henry suju M member^^  yeah NOREAGO *it's you* because of their angel leader who have a cute deep dimples*yeah men with beautuful eyes, cute dimples turn me on *.... I got interested to them and overnight I got to memorized their names.... yeah including Henry and Zhoumi as well.... as I got addicted to them my biases has change now to LEE SUNGMIN my agyeo pumpkin next to him was the milky skin cinderella Kim Heechul and macho anchovy hehehe yeah he's macho now LEE HYUKJAE = EUNHYUK love the eunhae couple..^^ it is the standing at first ss501 shinee FTisland Ukiss then SUJU but as my kpop addiction expand and worsen hehehe worsen because BEAST is adding up same with 2pm 2am CNBLUE DBSK and TRAX member JUNGMO...lol

The sTanding change.... SS501 SUJU UKISS SHINEE CNBLUE BEAST and so on...wahahaha yyeaahhhh their are the reason why now Im BRANKRUPT...wahah all my allowance was save to buy their cds and other stuff....

BTW, did I mention the greatest happening I encounter in my addiction?
I have seen KIM HYUN JOONG ss501 4D leader the Leader of the band that I love the most las june.... and the funny part is I cried seeing him, his not my bias but he made me cry.... Im so happy I thought that I am looking to an angel while he's walking in front of us *my other Triple S sis and mommies* the bonus part is that BEAST is with him for a charity concert... but that time I'm not a fan of BEAST just after they left I realize that they also cool... yeah eveyday I got shock..hehehe

Until now I am in the midst of addiction... lol next target ss3 manila... CHULMINTEUKJAEHAE w8 for me...lol that's how I realize kpop is never bad it's GREAT... with a simple reason they are my inspiration to everything I do... and the reason why I was pursuing life...^________________________________^

Love or Friendship??

Its Hard...
(its a first time that I felt something for a friend...)

huh..being in love to a friend whose been so close to me for a long time..
I've been keeping it in my heart for a long time before I bursts out my feelings to him..
I don't know what comes in me that I fell in love to that guy!!?? he's not that handsome(yeah I know I'm not pretty^^,) he does not have a body that would make other girls to fantasize him.. but he have that mysterious eyes that can make my knees melt...and just by talking he can stop my world..he is also good at joking and posses a personality that I think every girls looking in a guy..
a good heart, a patience one, a low profile guy, and easy to be with....thats what I think make me fall for him...


He knows everything about my feelings for him...
It happen that night right after I cried because of jealousy..huh..crazy me right..I tell him everything..but the saddest part in that phone call..isa that him saying "Sliptyt Gudnyt I love you....FRIEND!!"hahaha...
now im in the stage of moving on.. and choosing our friendship over my love for him..at least im still close to him and he still consider me as one of his closest friend who he can tell his own secrets..although there are times that I still pain for him especially when his girl friend broke with him...the pain that I felt that time is doubled the pain that he is enduring..hahaizt its really hard being inlove with him..although Im trying my best to hide the pain to him and think its working...haizt I hope my feelings would disappear soon...
..someday I will face him with a telling him that I am over him and I will him with pure friendship..


I know many would say its such a similar story of a grl who fell inlove to her guy friend,,
b4 when I read this kind of story I also thinking that it is some kind of infatuation..but now that it is happening to me it felt so real!!..